My sister Lisa is cast as a member of the wedding party in the weekend of family wedding fun. I haven't really seen her since early November at my sister Amy's bridal shower. I had just found out that I hadn't miscarried and was instead nearing the end of my first trimester of pregnancy. I asked my sister Mollie (who's getting married this weekend) for help in my decision to "take care of things" since I'd been paralyzed and unable to even really examine the situation on my own. She was really great. In my relief at finally asking someone for help, I confessed I'd been not only paralyzed over my pregnancy- but also a little suicidal. Several days later my sister and parents showed up at my apartment and my parents wanted to talk to me alone. Mollie took the girls for a ride. My parents said that they felt that I wasn't doing well dealing with my depression myself and that they thought since I was suicidal that I should look into in-patient treatment programs. They wouldn't be able to help me anymore or even see me. If I needed in-patient treatment and if the daddyman wasn't able to watch the girls, then I would have to look into foster care. Needless to say I would no longer be going to Jamaica for my sister Amy's wedding, nor would the girls.

And we didn't. I saw Lisa once since, on Mother's Day when the girls and I were at Mollie's house with my parents for dinner. She stood in the doorway to the patio and rushed off. She's very busy supposedly. I'm pretty sure that my year of being depressed, then pregnant, then giving the baby up for adoption has traumatized her somehow. Because she's definitely a person that everything that happens, happens to her.

We might have fun together at the wedding, because that's usually what we do, and then Lisa talks about how she's sorry she doesn't see me more often, but then she will retreat once again. Maybe we are beyond "catching up". Maybe we won't really talk at all. I think I will grin at her maniacally and see. I like her, but she is a nuerotic freak that allows her own thoughts, feelings, and issues to entrap her. I think she can't talk to anyone that she doesn't speak to on a weekly basis. Stuff happens, she goes to therapy, she rehashes her therapy session, and jill comes tumbling after. That's my sister Lisa. If she could only see how normal she really is, she would relax.