Positivity Top 10 (from Mollie Jo's wedding)
1.) Mollie and Trevor are really in love
2.) Mollie and Trevor make a really great couple (the love that shines whenever their eyes meet left me awestruck)
3.) mina and the biz looked adorable as flower girls
4.) My sister Amy's husband Mark sat at the family table for the dinner (he was an usher- not in the wedding party) and he's gotten more outgoing since he's part of the family now. He's very sweet with the girls (who he used to be frightened of) and has other qualities about him I like besides his devotion to my sister Amy.
5.)I enjoyed spending time with my Mom getting our hair done (in spite of the do)and helping her get ready.
6.) Our neighbors from across the street in Ham Lake came and I had an excellent memory-filled visit with the mom during which I had total recall of many many fun times in my pre-adolescent life that took place with her daughter in her house.
7.)My sister Amy gave a beautiful toast and blessing to Mollie Jo at dinner. It was perfect and I was so proud that the two of them are so close and have such a strong bond between them. I kept flashing on long car trips with them when they were littler than the mina and biz are now and we nicknamed them "Peanut Butter & Jelly". I was really really proud of them for loving each other so well
8.) Both girls had so much fun. During the dance the Mina saw me and said -- "MommythisissomuchfunwearedancingandthrowingflowersateveryoneandSCREAMING!"
9.)Trevor's family are hilarious and fun-loving and my sister is very lucky to add them to her family.
10.)My nana looked wonderful and was very happy to be there -she even danced with the groom's father.

Top Reasons I had no fun (at Mollie Jo's wedding)
1.) My daughters ignored me most of the night.
2.) I was very tired from participating in a 50 mile roundtrip commute for 4 days in a row to participate
3.) I was introduced to no one. Everyone I met I simply approached and began a conversation with. My family was busy having fun and I only had conversations that I started. This was emotionally exhausting for me and I gave up as the dance began. Mollie kept saying that everyone thought the girls' flower girl dresses were gorgeous, but no one was urged to tell me that and no one did.
4.) Everyone asks "What have you been up to?" and I have to skirt over the past year and a half because they are just making polite conversation.
5.) the realization that I am not close to my family. I felt completely alone at the wedding and should have realized that they would be too busy to look after me. However, with everything that's happened over the past year and a half I realized that at an event like this is when I do need support. Alas.
6.) I am sure my sister Lisa is lost to me. She acted like I wasn't even someone she knew. Distance like this can't be crossed. I am a little offended about it, but am not sure that I care.

So that's all for now. The purging may take days though. Thanks for being a chasm I can shout into because even an echo makes me feel more loved than anything else does right now and I'm really really grateful for that.