2003-10-08 @ 9:25 a.m.
Yes, thank you I know I suck. I have been next to computerless for several days. Although once I am really starting my new job I should have more time to update (read: sneak on the internet at work) I don't right now. But I am in training, happy with my job choice, and to be learning how to do my new job, and trying to orchestrate a birthday for Mina who is 5 years old today.
I say orchestrate because I am only directing everything instrumental in the celebration, not providing anything instrumental.
This makes me feel like the bottom of someone's shoe. Specifically my mother's shoe. I really haven't asked for anything, although I have wanted to. I have come to grips with my own inability to buy my child a birthday present. I have bought nothing to ensure I continue to have gas to drive to work and to my sister's house for the party tomorrow.
Tonight is up to the daddyman. Oh joy. My mother thinks I shouldn't have to be there. I don't actually know what I think about being there, but I want some kind of insurance that the right notes are played in the 5 year old birthday overture. I might need to conduct or something. If I don't stay I might have to dwell on the fact that I am completely destitute and pathetic and that doesn't seem fun for me.
Whatever. Mina will get presents and feel loved and that can be the only thing I care about. I overindulge her whenever it's possible normally. This is my cure for that I guess.
Everyone stick your tongue out at my mother for me will you? (And leave me a note if you do so I can tally that rebellion.)
I miss thisendup. I want her home where she can see me smiling whenever I see her. I will get to see her more often now. If she's in town that is.