Family Fun Night
2003-11-14 @ 10:09 a.m.
It was Family Fun Night, at the girls' school last night. We usually go because it's free dinner, and entertains the girls. Last night the baby was coming with her mom, who's a teacher at the school. So we were all excited for a visit with April. ( by "we" I meant April's mom and myself and the girls. April smiles a lot and everything, but she's oblivious basically.) and even the Daddyman went. I always like seeing the baby. She's incredibly healthy, and such a happy smiling baby (just like her sisters) that it's impossible not to think of it as a treat. It's just like living proof that you can do the right thing and it can be easy and rewarding. And Sal coming along was good too, because I finally trust that he's not hiding any feelings about the adoption. Because later, when we were dropping him off to put in hours at his bartending school, I commented that it's just such a blessing to see this child I put into the world be thriving, and to not have to be taking care of her. And Sal actually chimed in with the last part on his own. It was a chorus- and that's reassuring. Because I have no doubt that his marriage is full of secret plots and delusional fantasies that I don't want to know anything about- and judging from that comment, none of those plots and fantasies have anything to do with April, which is good. I want him to share the blessing that I feel this adoption is. And though he isn't capable of comprehending my entire view on it, or letting it help define the rest of his life as I try to, I'm glad that it makes him feel like he's done something right. Because that one, he could use a touchstone that gives him some pride. And if he thought about it maybe he could even learn that occasionally letting someone else make a major decision is something to be proud of in itself. Because he never thought it would happen, deep down- I know that. I'm just grateful that as it turns out- once suprise faded away that regret for this particular event never set in. And as wrong as he is most of the time- in his decisions, in his feeling of how his fate sits in the world, in his secret entitlement issues that keep him from really trying and ever getting anywhere- as much as he deserves all the mess of that wrongness, the adoption should be one thing that he's been a part of that will always be right.