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a voice of some generation
2004-05-12 @ 9:34 a.m.

I came up with this shtick the other night, that I was sure had it’s finger on the pulse of things. You know, a candy-coated overly simplified generalization that seems to speak for a generation. I was happy with the pat judgment for about 48 hrs. Until I sat down to share my wit and wisdom.

There are three big reasons that people are found sexy:
They are either Smart, Funny, or Crazy

You can obviously drive a semi through what is left out of that one.

I admit, it on a certain level, it sounds pretty good if I do say so myself, but sadly it’s on the level I would be likely to define as “bar banter”. What that is, is really just something clever to say that immediately reinforces the idea that YOU are sexy, because clearly –having made the observation, you fall into the categories of “smart” and “funny”.

Because I have already added at least 5 more traits that are universally sexy, that don’t necessarily fall into the aforementioned 3 neatly- things like ambition, competitiveness, and that’s just ME speaking for myself, because who am I to generalize the world’s libido, and try to define attraction because in retrospect, the common trait in most of my past loves has been “rebellion” -if you want to talk like a commercial, “misunderstood” -if you want to talk like a therapist, or if you want to simply be realistic about it- “the lack of fear to go right ahead and be an asshole”.

Who wants to define or categorize what’s sexy anyway, unless it’s to sell you something? I mean, I’ll admit that if someone is wearing coveralls (more like mechanic coveralls than prison coveralls-although I do love me some orange…) I am immediately intrigued. That should prove that women are just as likely to be turned on by something completely arbitrary as men are. (And how easily men are turned on by the arbitrary things is a whole ‘nother ball of yarn to tangle our kitties in, believe me..)

In conclusion, the only thing that is universally sexy is probably breasts. I think women like the ones they have, and often admire the ones around them- and guys seem to agree that breasts attract attention in the manner of a checkered flag. Engines seem to rev.

So I am giving up the slick observations and just waiting for the right time when I can approach someone to say-

“Hey, nice coveralls. Look! I have large breasts!”

If that’s not smart and funny, I don’t know what is.


Apparently I can't shut up...
hearts aflutter - 2011-04-12
blather over lunch - 2010-04-30
revival - 2010-04-18
foot dragger - 2009-08-21
The bangs of a Stooge - 2009-08-20

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