Project1
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crisis imagined
2004-11-11 @ 12:42 p.m.

I was wrong, I�m not fired.

I thought it might have been a surprise termination due to absences, because I was absent last week (but I also had absences from last year roll off and not count anymore) and normally I would know that I would have found out right away if it was a case of termination. But sometimes in a big company stuff gets handed down and there�s no warning. I totally trust my supervisor, and know that he wouldn�t have been happy to lose me- and that�s why I e-mailed him quite abruptly saying �if I�ll going to be termed today can you tell me now? I feel like an axe is over my head..�

He was really shocked to find out I would even think I was going to be fired today.

I�m very happy I am not being fired today, but the fight or flight feeling (really in my case it�s flight or flight) really brought home to me once and for all the level to which I believe deep down that I am doomed. I mean, I am really good at feeling hopeful and moving forward in the face of adversity, but I just have no level of trust that I am anything but doomed.

Once I am on my knees with my hands behind my back- I am too willing to lay my head on that chopping block.

I think this reaction is understandable, considering how much my trust has been breached in my lifetime, but this reaction is also completely unsuitable to everything about me. I am too delusional to be so resigned to my eventual doom.

All the retarded belief and happy hope I have for everyone else�s life should be applied to my own.

From now on. It�s the penthouse baby! Nothing but roses!

(it couldn�t hurt)


PS- Thanks so much for the onrush of comments and support. I heart you guys like I heart tootsie roll flavored lip balm.


Apparently I can't shut up...
hearts aflutter - 2011-04-12
blather over lunch - 2010-04-30
revival - 2010-04-18
foot dragger - 2009-08-21
The bangs of a Stooge - 2009-08-20

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