2005-01-24 @ 11:13 a.m.
All of a sudden this morning I remembered something. A thought, perhaps an urban legend, that used to cause me GREAT ALARM at the age of 11-12. Such ALARM that it made me sit firmly on my bicycle seat for years.
THE BUTT SLASHER!
In South Minneapolis, (nearly Richfield), there was a tale all the children in the neighborhood were familiar with..the story of the GUY in the SKI MASK who would drive up behind unsuspected girls who were silly enough to stand up while they were pedaling their ten speed bicycles and he would SLASH THEIR BEEHINDS WITH A KNIFE!
I believe there was a little something about girls wearing pony tails in their hair being even more likely to get their butt slashed. Or maybe I was also paranoid about getting my ponytail cut off, but I didn't have ponytail hair at that age. In any case, there is something about a ponytail lingering in the memory.
At some point, I either got enough of a handle on my fear to inflict it on others, or decided it was the very least I could do. Disperse it. I remember biking past my sister with great enthusiasm shrieking "SIT DOWN!" and then in a stage whisper adding-"THE BUTT SLASHER"
Update: It clearly was a specific phenonemon in the Southeast Mpls area- since my friend Jen (hi non diarylander Jen!) sent me this:I remember the Butt Slasher!
I grew up on 43rd and 43rd and we all knew that the Butt Slasher
the River Road and would get you when you were on your bike. I never
thought I needed to be standing up to pedal since a persons butt is
plenty exposed to slashing when sitting on a bike, but it really freaked
In further research, I found it highly disturbing how many items come up while google searching Minneapolis butt slasher and not finding anything pertaining to my story at all. Alas.