Last March when I was pregnant I was doing laundry and I fell down the stairs onto a concrete basement floor. Somehow, I didn't hit my head. I was at the top of the last flight of 10 stairs and completely blacked out and tumbled. Didn't slip. I was pretty woozy after the faint, and was pretty sure I shouldn't drive to pick up the girls from daycare myself. When I got back upstairs I called the Daddyman and told him what happened. He didn't seem very willing to help. He was farther away than I was. (This was during one of the periods of support/isolation at KGB's penthouse. OK not a penthouse, just an incredibly over-priced apartment in a remote formerly upscale suburb of town. The apartment always symbolized to me their relationship. Distant, empty, high cost, more cost than value in general...) That call was fairly foggy in my mind. I sat on my couch in a daze for a while and then seem to newly realize that I had fallen down the stairs and probably shouldn't drive to pick up the girls. I called the Daddyman again. He pointed out that I had already called and he knew. At this point I grew in concern of my condition. A normal person might have thought he would have also. Nope. I was left to figure something out. I drove the very stable and safe route to school. Once there, I managed to have my sister meet me there and drive the girls home with me following. (See to me, the important thing was me being there by 5:30 which is pick up time. Then I could wait however long for someone to meet me. I knew that my largish belly and empty head had missed collision somehow. It wasn't Death Wish 2003 or anything. I was so out of it at the time that it didn't really register how offensive it was to myself and the girls that the Daddyman wasn't rushing to our aid. Later, he simply said he knew I'd be fine. This is a man who chided me often about my lack of friends and supporters. I am pretty sure it wasn't a comment on my excellent skills of self-preservation either.

When I am thinking of my current situation, the fact that after I lent him emotional and financial support in a time where nearly no one would even speak to him, only to find him on solid ground and sawing off the limb I had found myself on, that memory came back to me. About their sudden marriage the Daddyman had said to me "This is the best for all of us, she's inspired me to be a man." But his version of trying seems to remain taking only the opportunities that present themselves not seeking them out. In this job market that isn't enough. Meanwhile I am the bottom of a flight of stairs again. Thank goodness he's on the way out of the equation, but I need responsibility to come kick his ass pronto. It reminds me of Tikki Tikki Tembo and Chang just better move his ass and get The Old Man With The Ladder before I drown down here already.