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nice and squishy
2003-10-21 @ 9:11 a.m.

In what seems like record time, I have realized that I am not so happy with the outer lap right now.

You have to understand how strange this is. I am very accepting- disgustingly so, with my physical flaws. I am altogether trusting that my personality shines through my outer shell and everyone is dazzled by my inner beauty whenever I speak. That the devilish glint in my eye distracts from the soft underbelly.

That's one of the issues- that humans walk upright and don't actually have an underbelly. If I could walk about on all fours, the belly- the way it's been completely destroyed of all its former natural muscle tone from carrying 3 children low and straight out front (and all you mystics who see women carrying low and in front and pat there bellies mysteriously citing "you're having a boy"? You are out of the mystic loop on that one so just give it up..)Anyway where was that train o' thought? I didn't mean to get off in Asinine Aside...

Oh yes. I carry weight well. I always have. I used to, however, carry it in a fairly firm mid-section. This was, thankfully, given to me by god, because I just don't do sit ups. I will walk, I will run, I will ride, but I will not sit up. The destruction of my middle is causing psychic damage to my center, as it were. And it really seems to be all of a sudden.

Is it because I am the largest of my training class? Is it because suddenly I may be invited for a dip in the dating pool? Maybe. It's probably because my 5 year old keeps petting and hugging parts of my body and describing them as "nice, fat..." or "lovely and fat".

What am I going to do about it? I'm not sure. But I'm not going to do any crunches. I want to be firm, but I don't want any muscle tone. Honestly. I don't want to be "cut" and the only 6-pack I desire contains Diet Dr. Pepper. So it's a dilemma. It's affecting the costuming plans in Act 3. It's making me blue, and insecure when the role calls for confident and sassy.

Am I just feeling sorry for myself because it's long overdue?

I think I better sing a few choruses of thisto shake myself out of this funk.

"All I trust I lead my heart to-
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone
oh help!"

Interesting aside: I am a big fan of composer Richard Rodgers. Although he's mostly known as a composer of music alone working with a lyricist, 3 of my favorite compositions from film adaptations of his plays are his work alone. "I Have Confidence", "Something Good" both from the movie The Sound of Music, and "The Sweetest Sound" which was used in the remake of R&H Cinderella with Brandy, but was originally from No Strings.

Apparently I can't shut up...
hearts aflutter - 2011-04-12
blather over lunch - 2010-04-30
revival - 2010-04-18
foot dragger - 2009-08-21
The bangs of a Stooge - 2009-08-20

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