nice and squishy
2003-10-21 @ 9:11 a.m.
In what seems like record time, I have realized that I am not so happy with the outer lap right now.
You have to understand how strange this is. I am very accepting- disgustingly so, with my physical flaws. I am altogether trusting that my personality shines through my outer shell and everyone is dazzled by my inner beauty whenever I speak. That the devilish glint in my eye distracts from the soft underbelly.
That's one of the issues- that humans walk upright and don't actually have an underbelly. If I could walk about on all fours, the belly- the way it's been completely destroyed of all its former natural muscle tone from carrying 3 children low and straight out front (and all you mystics who see women carrying low and in front and pat there bellies mysteriously citing "you're having a boy"? You are out of the mystic loop on that one so just give it up..)Anyway where was that train o' thought? I didn't mean to get off in Asinine Aside...
Oh yes. I carry weight well. I always have. I used to, however, carry it in a fairly firm mid-section. This was, thankfully, given to me by god, because I just don't do sit ups. I will walk, I will run, I will ride, but I will not sit up. The destruction of my middle is causing psychic damage to my center, as it were. And it really seems to be all of a sudden.
Is it because I am the largest of my training class? Is it because suddenly I may be invited for a dip in the dating pool? Maybe. It's probably because my 5 year old keeps petting and hugging parts of my body and describing them as "nice, fat..." or "lovely and fat".
What am I going to do about it? I'm not sure. But I'm not going to do any crunches. I want to be firm, but I don't want any muscle tone. Honestly. I don't want to be "cut" and the only 6-pack I desire contains Diet Dr. Pepper. So it's a dilemma. It's affecting the costuming plans in Act 3. It's making me blue, and insecure when the role calls for confident and sassy.
Am I just feeling sorry for myself because it's long overdue?
I think I better sing a few choruses of thisto shake myself out of this funk.