the road to closure
2003-10-27 @ 2:08 p.m.
I had almost 24 hours completely to myself this weekend!
OK- I was with thisendup on Saturday night, but to me that is chosen time, not obligatory time. However with TEU, I should work on some kind of schedule of obligatory time...apparently she is needed away for several (several means 3) weeks. AGAIN. I am glad that she is needed and appreciated in her department, it really makes me feel that all is right with the world (as does the fact that legalbeagle has a cool spouse to worship and adore her) but really, I knew lb before she found her spouse or law school, and knew teu before her present job so should my needs come first all the time? (HA! I don't really think my needs come first at any time ever. I should be more pushy with myself about prioritizing our relationship...)
I'm happy cause I cleaned some more, and I spent a lovely gift card on MAC make-up (it's SO the only make-up to ever buy, and if rdhdprincess wants to she can pretend SHE was buying MAC make-up yesterday, since she's banned herself from make-up purchases, especially department store make-up...)and I also bought used books and ate yummy raw fish rolled up with rice. The surest thing to turn my mood right around at any given time is apparently sushi-grade tuna. It makes my brain really happy.
Also- I actually woke up obsessing about something I found out from Sal the night before, that it would be another 1/2 month before he felt he could give me some money. I didn't address it at the time, but early in the day I realized I was really pissed about it, especially since he and KGB are flying to CA the week before Thanksgiving. At first I was upset in both a sad & angry way and really wanted to ask someone what they felt I should do. I didn't though. I just stopped obsessing, and then decided what I would do and did it. All alone. Without counsel. Like a fucking grown up. And I felt pretty good about that. It's a shame that I didn't reach out sort of, but at the same time I didn't waste much time letting my thoughts run rampant about it either. I just started cleaning, so at least while I was obsessing I was being quite productive.
Later I was able to quite clearly underline the reasons that once my immediate rental debt is cleared that this "emergency state" is unlikely to return. I pointed out I had a permanent job, and I also did not have an albatross around my neck. And that was bitchin'.
All I have to do is pull a resolve out of my ass. I do it all the time, but I always worry that there's no more suprises hiding up there. So far, I have always found something.
I will find something this time too.