I keep trying to describe the bizarre dinner theater experience I had the other night.

At Mc Donald�s playland.

We arrive in the middle of the first act apparently, and it was hard to tell because the players themselves were rather passionless. Clearly there was conflict, but it was conflict that no one was apparently invested in. Being that it involved a missing wallet being stolen, the audience was all a little breathless over whether the passion would get kicked up a notch.

It never did.

There were insistent accusations as well as equally firm denials and that�s when the audience participation portion of the event kicked in.

Again, the lines were delivered convincingly, but without emotion.

It was like watching a surreal puppet show of a crime.

Was it really that lethargic I wonder? Because I get excited about the most minor shit myself. I willingly lend my enthusiasm to any slightly worthy performance. I am not really that blas�.

And with the kids all around, they ride on drama and excitement like it�s a free roller coaster. But even when they were assisting the victim puppet in looking for where the wallet may have been stashed (clearly the perp puppet wasn�t worried about being incriminated by anything on his person) it was like watching kids do a lackluster ballet against their will. (The costuming was really strange; the children were all dressed like little extras in a Ludacris video, with character names like �Shorty�.)

Here�s a snippet of the most memorable song from the show-

�Boy these fries really suck. Normally I�d ask for fresh ones, but I really don�t want to eat them all anyway�don�t just grab them! I�d like to hear a courtesy word from you young lady-

Oh look. The police are here now.

Would you like a refill on your soda?�

-The Ballad of the Disinterested Bystander

It ended with handcuffing someone against a squad car in the rain before the curtain dropped. The rain was the most impassioned player in the show.