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2004-07-11 @ 3:07 p.m.

I had this dream the other night that I was in a lane with traffic stopped completely. I was irritated and chose to drive past traffic on the shoulder to see if I could exit or something. I got to where the cars stopped moving and I kept going, and changed into the actual lane onto the road that didnít appear closed although it was really bumpy. This just made me laugh that the people weíd left behind were stopping rather than driving on through a few bumps. I was in a bit of disbelief over that. This was about when I realized that the bumpy road we were driving on was a gigantic crocodile. By gigantic I mean his head was much bigger than my car. I noticed we were driving over this huge crocodile when we drove near his hindquarters. When I looked for itís head and saw its huge fucking eye, I still didnít freak out as much as I sped up. I was under the impression that once we got over the crocodile that weíd just be able to continue our journey with a smooth road ahead. Thatís when I saw smaller crocodiles and other wild animals scurrying down the freeway entrance ramp to merge. They were not of such remarkable size. But it was still my impulse to keep moving forward to get past this strangeness.

The drama that is only related to me like a first cousin, once removed keeps going on. I had helped Sal do some errands Friday since one of those errands was cashing a check that would result in me getting some cash from him. I also updated his resume and printed copies of it, which took all of approximately 15 minutes, which I was thanked for. I didnít mind helping him Friday because it seemed like the right thing to do. It was also really hot so I took the girls to go swimming there after school.

Sal was doing well. KGB was dragging him through drama, but he wasnít taking her calls. He figured he would have to speak to her in the evening, but he knew if the girls were around she would behave. I didnít think much of it. It was my plan to let them swim, feed them some of his food, and go home. This is pretty much what happened. He let her apologize and gave her food so sheíd have some (he bought groceries that would last at least the week) and she left. Then Sal said heíd like to get a 12pk and would I like one? I thought-ďItís really freaking hot. Beer is good.Ē And so he bought the beer and I went to the liquor store, and we sat out in the courtyard with some of the residents at the apt building he manages while the mina played with her little friend who was having her birthday party the next day. I had a beer and talked with the residents hanging out whom I found pleasant and funny, and eventually it was really late and Sal thought we should all just stay over in the guest room.

From then I was hopelessly ensnarled in the weekend because of the birthday party the girls were to attend on Saturday.

In the middle of the night Sal got a call from KGB and said he was going to put out a fire. He didnít mean that her house was burning down, and maybe his was- I donít know what is ACTUALLY going on in that situation because I donít believe that Sal ís telling me the truth. I bet they have been using drugs together as recently as within the past month. But he spent all his check on the right stuff; meaning bills, food, and paying me back. I know there are lies there, and I know they wonít be uncovered unless I find the edges of the invisible tarp covering whatever is under there. Honestly, I could care less what is being covered up; Iím just saying that Iím pretty sure that Sal ís standing on a grave. I just donít know if itís HIS grave, or if heís been doing the burying.

But Friday night after he was nearly arrested for trespassing at KGBís apartment. (The police showed up after he was there about an hour and a very drunken KGB insisted, ďI am afraid! He tried to pull me into the bedroom!Ē upon their arrival). He wasnít arrested because he was not drunk, and he just got a write up for trespassing. There were people in the lobby that were there when Sal arrived that saw him get buzzed in. So the claim that he broke in was kind of stupid. KGB is flailing big time. Sal ís floored by the treachery of the police being called and the falsehoods. He was in a daze the entire next day over it.

I am slightly amused by his disbelief because itís so genuine, but Iím all out of sympathy. I donít even have any petty pity to dole out. Heís actually mournful because he realizes that his marriage is over, and (I think) that he never really knew what his wife was capable of at all. Itís a little like he unzipped his wolf costume to find out heís a sheep after all and heís really deflated over it.

He has asked me to borrow the car when I am at work in case he has to file any restraining orders or apply for new jobs or what have you. Weíll see. I am waiting to see if his house of cards collapses right away. I am capable of being kind to people I am not fond of, and if I want any vacation this summer by myself, it hinges on Sal having the girls. I have no backup for vacation excursions even if the ticket is paid for already and non-refundable.

In that dream there was only the realization that what I was experiencing was far more dangerous than I had initially seen it to be. The bumpy road was a crocodile, but not one that ate me all gone. It was one I escaped without much ado.

So hereís todayís horoscope to top things off: ďTend to squeaky wheels in the vicinity. Focus is on finance and getting ahead, and the spirit of the day is relentless ambition. Use wisdom and generosity to handle intense situations. ď

Itís all such a pain in the ass, my life.

ĒThe ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in?
In your head, in your mouth, in your soul.
And maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both grow old.
Well I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I hope so.

Well that is that and this is this.
You tell me what you want and I'll tell you what you get.
You get away from me. You get away from me.
Collected my belongings and I left the jail.
Well thanks for the time, I needed to think a spell.
I had to think awhile. I had to think awhile.Ē

-Modest Mouse "Ocean Breathes Salty"

Apparently I can't shut up...
hearts aflutter - 2011-04-12
blather over lunch - 2010-04-30
revival - 2010-04-18
foot dragger - 2009-08-21
The bangs of a Stooge - 2009-08-20

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