new - older - surprise! - mommylap - adoption - e-mail - home
Look out! Behind that tree!
2004-08-04 @ 12:03 p.m.

A wish you've been holding onto for a long time could come true at any moment. Your job is to hang in there -- and when your antennae tell you it's time, to start pushing. Go get it!

This scares me. I donít know what this ďwishĒ is that is referred to here. Itís been implied to me recently that apparently my secret wish is to be miserable for the rest of my life.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I do believe deep down that I donít deserve a better life. Which is really fucked up being that I canít come up with a single reason WHY I would believe that is all I deserve. But I know itís a recurring theme in my martyrdom.

In regard to the Sal portion of my miserable life I have a chorus of Greeks that seem to be saying:

ďThat Sal is a piece of shit! Heís a worthless disappointment!
Now go ask him for help because thatís the only help you get.Ē

Thatís the message I get. I am oversimplifying it, but itís there.

I have maybe decided that if everybody is just waiting for Sal to start giving me (not me as much as his kids, but $ and time seem to be the hinges on which all things in MY life hang) anything before they will, then everybody sucks and I quit.

Someone mentioned to me that when itís a movie that you are the principal character in, you obviously couldnít be watching to yell, ďRUN! RUN NOW! GET AWAY!Ē

Either nobody is watching the Laura Movie, or they all want me to run right into that trouble.

Fuck that.

Apparently I can't shut up...
hearts aflutter - 2011-04-12
blather over lunch - 2010-04-30
revival - 2010-04-18
foot dragger - 2009-08-21
The bangs of a Stooge - 2009-08-20

This page is powered by Copyright Button(TM).
Click here to read how this page is protected by copyright laws.