A wish you've been holding onto for a long time could come true at any moment. Your job is to hang in there -- and when your antennae tell you it's time, to start pushing. Go get it!

This scares me. I don�t know what this �wish� is that is referred to here. It�s been implied to me recently that apparently my secret wish is to be miserable for the rest of my life.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I do believe deep down that I don�t deserve a better life. Which is really fucked up being that I can�t come up with a single reason WHY I would believe that is all I deserve. But I know it�s a recurring theme in my martyrdom.

In regard to the Sal portion of my miserable life I have a chorus of Greeks that seem to be saying:

�That Sal is a piece of shit! He�s a worthless disappointment!
Now go ask him for help because that�s the only help you get.�

That�s the message I get. I am oversimplifying it, but it�s there.

I have maybe decided that if everybody is just waiting for Sal to start giving me (not me as much as his kids, but $ and time seem to be the hinges on which all things in MY life hang) anything before they will, then everybody sucks and I quit.

Someone mentioned to me that when it�s a movie that you are the principal character in, you obviously couldn�t be watching to yell, �RUN! RUN NOW! GET AWAY!�

Either nobody is watching the Laura Movie, or they all want me to run right into that trouble.

Fuck that.