If Frank Zappa only got to know you better...
2005-01-23 @ 9:16 a.m.
The thing I've learned I can't live without and have any degree of happiness is my tongue cleaner. I realize this sounds overboard, but it's like once you reach that moment, the one where you look up into your bathroom mirror with delight in your just awoken eyes and say;
"Wow, my mouth has truly never felt this fresh and brand new since I was but a child!!"
Well, this is immediately a revelation you must have each and every morning. It is. Because, for me, anything less makes me wander around trying to remember if I smoked 82 cheap cigars that I was keeping fresh in catbox humidor.
The technique I've acquired is as follows,
1) scrape scrape the tongue clean
2) brush the teeth with my spinbrush pro and Aquafresh Extreme Clean in Powermint (feeling empowermint is a great validation for the beginnings of my mornings)
3) Voila a delighted smile for how clean I feel in the innermost region of my mouth.
But we've been away from home, playing slumberparty blizzard, in a kind home that always has extra pillows, extra beds, and extra toothbrushes, but alas without my tongue cleaner.
Necessity really is the mother of invention folks, because I am delighted to tell you that I have macguyvered my way to the cleanest of morning tongues with a simple tool that every household should have!
Suffice it to say the term "gag me with a spoon" is only true to an extreme degree of insertion, and that the fork is taking our breakup well, being that it always knew that I would never be able to eat soup with it, and I always found the formidable knife to be a greater friend in times of meat.
Ahhh spoon! You kind and cunning ally!