new - older - surprise! - mommylap - adoption - e-mail - home
not without the aid of props
2005-05-19 @ 3:30 p.m.

So mysteriously enough,the other day I received a package with no return address. It contained what appears to be a magic eightball, although it's mossy green and admittedly was a little greasy when I first received it. The lens where you read the answers to the questions you ask was also cracked making the whole gift seem a little sinister, but being that I have about as much sense of self-preservation as the young man who found himself the owner of the monkey's paw, I used it to answer your questions...

What's in your purse? (Carrie)

Like you don't know! Weren't you the woman who mugged me last week?

How did you choose the names for your girls? (hubbabub)

I didn't choose their names. Each girl decided what name they wanted the
moment they were born and refused to tell me what their names were for about
a year. Sure, some people say an infant's language centers aren't fully
developed at that stage in their lives, but I know better -- they were
holding out on me. I finally had to purchase several baby books and read
every name aloud nightly until they each finally responded. Probably would
have been quicker if I hadn't started with the baby boy names first though.

was there any music playing when you lost your virginity? If so,
what was it?

Yes, I believe it was an instrumental version of "In the Good Ol'
Summertime". Of course, we got kicked off the merry-go-round just after we
got started...

Is there a piece of music that can make you cry?(again the pony)

Yes, actually, it is a whole collection of music: The Beatles box set. It
fell off a display shelf and hit me on my upturned face last week in a
record store.

If you could say only one word for the rest of your life, what would it be?


oh wait, I just accidentally used up my one word answer! Nice, now I am
stuck with "well" for the rest of my life!

How will I demand attention for my basic needs?

How will I express my dreams, fears and ambitions?

How will I describe a deep hole, or shaft, sunk into the earth, in a concise

What object or objects are directly behind you right now?(galaxy)

Oddly enough, it's you. How long have you been living in my bedroom closet?
And could you hand me my red pumps?

Do you know how to avoid razor burn?(serapay)

Don't light it on fire.

What are you thinking right now?

During the "now" you are referring to (which has since past) I was thinking
"...thinking right now?".

How much hedge could a hedgehog hog if a hedgehog could hog hedge? (pony)Not sure, but it better be enough to cover the legal expenses when the
woodchuck files his plagiarism suit.

Close your eyes. Go to your happy place. What's the first
object that comes into your mind's eye?

A telephone pole. I guess I should have pulled over the car before I tried
this exercise.

So there you have it, my first guest entry written by a mysterious mossish ball of eightI received anonymously in the mail.

You guys asked me so many great questions that I'm going to answer the rest myself without the aid of the grease ball....

Wouldn't you know it, that magic ball kept me up all night, wanting attention, wanting to answer morequestions, and then it wanted to was highly unreasonable. I think I'll be leaving it for the new tenants...but it smells like pizza, and I sort of like that.

If you were forced to get a tattoo of someone's face that would cover your entire back, whose face would it be? (You can't ever have it removed. You get $760,000 for getting it.)(pony)

I don't go for those wimpy tattooed faces. I want an actual, living human face attached to my back; preferrably something that accentuates my shoulder blades and butt dimples.
I would have to pick someone with a large mouth (Carly Simon, Steven Tyler, Pacman) because I want to go to restaurants and eat by dumping my food down the back of my shirt.
And don't worry about the money, I just need help to dispose of the body.

If Superman can walk through fire and even fly into the sun and not get burned, how does he manage to have such a nice tan?(sarusan) Didn't you see the episode where Superman kills George Hamilton, guts him and builds a body suit from George's skin? No? Hmmm, maybe that was just an episode I *wish* they had created...

Would you trust me to watch your kids?(serapay)
Yes I definitely would trust you to watch them shoving marbles up their noses, taking turns riding in the dryer, and testing out which electrical outlet produces the most sparks when stabbed with a steak knife.

So thus ends the episode written by my anonymous pizza friend...

Apparently I can't shut up...
hearts aflutter - 2011-04-12
blather over lunch - 2010-04-30
revival - 2010-04-18
foot dragger - 2009-08-21
The bangs of a Stooge - 2009-08-20

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