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how I'm like a carpet revisited
2008-04-01 @ 10:31 a.m.

So, since I've been unemployed- or maybe since a little after Christmas, I've helped the Daddyman with a few work-related things where he needed a ride, delivering coins one day, and more often picking up and cashing his check, which usually would result in me getting some money. And because he'd also been sending the child support requirement (which is $500, keeps him current but doesn't apply to any of the thousands of dollars of arrears there are) and since I need that to get by, I guess I felt it was in my best interest. But of course, it kept slowly getting worse, and as he'd been planning to move to Boulder, I found myself helping more and more (for $$) thinking he'd be gone soon.

Well, with my time on unemployment running close to an end, and not having been called for an interview since December- I found myself in a PMS state of panic thinking of the reality that I'd soon be looking for any jobs, even a job that paid far, far less than I'd be making, or had made in years- and the fact that I'd not be able to afford my apartment without some crazy scrimping. I pay $1200, and I get $1404 a month on unemployment. So the whole imminent disaster feeling, and without any trust that child support will continue with the Daddyman out of town, I've been freaking out in my inner landscape bigtime.

So Friday when my emotional dam was breaking completely I was supposed to help the Daddyman, and really didn't feel up to it. He chose to take the emotional chinks presented to him to bullying point out that if I could "help him out" (by keeping his stuff at my house and letting him stay there when he was in town to fufill his community service requirements left for his probation from old sentences from the KGB years) he could probably pay my rent.

I said no, of course, because that's just retarded and crazy and somehow he thinks that me saying no is because I've told terrible stories about his past and , in effect, hung myself. This is because he's assuming I'd consider him ever staying with me again, which I flat out would not. It doesn't stop him from asking.

Right before I dropped him off Friday, I made a crucial mistake- which was I allowed him to give me money to "hold" for him. It was $500.

Of course at 10:30 pm he called me, rip-roaring drunk and asking for $100 of his money. I told him no, because he was drunk, and that was stupid- and he wanted it to keep safe, but as he ranted and ranted, I decided to bring it immediately to him and be done. He said "meet me at my house" and I went to his seedy neighborhood and he was nowhere to be found. I called him twice, to no answer, and left a message saying "I came with your money. Now I'll give it all to you in the morning and be done with you."

So then the phone was ringing at 1:00 am. I didn't answer, although it woke me up immediately. The next day (when he called apologetic) I brought him his money and told him I was totally done. Today when he called me for a ride to "get his check and put it on a debit card" before "he left tomorrow", I said no again. He somehow felt extremely put out by this, although I said "no more" and "through" etc.

Apparently I can't shut up...
hearts aflutter - 2011-04-12
blather over lunch - 2010-04-30
revival - 2010-04-18
foot dragger - 2009-08-21
The bangs of a Stooge - 2009-08-20

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