this will appear on your permanent record...
2003-10-30 @ 2:48 p.m.
This morning, I overslept. I woke up and saw the sky was getting light. Yipes. I wake up when the sky is dark. We leave- the 3 of us, after I have dressed and washed and combed us all, when the sky is getting light. It’s very crucial this process begin when the sky is still dark. So I jump up and wake up the girls, who don’t ever want to wake up and do everything all at once instead of one thing after the other in an orderly fashion, and we manage to get out of the house within 10 minutes of our regular launch time.
Of course, I’m on empty.
There are two kinds of “on empty”. There’s the “on empty” that follows a full tank of gas being used. The kind that, if you’re me, you can refer to your mileage for comparison to calculate risk. There’s also the “on empty” that follows an emergency fill up of what may or may have not been a full ¼ tank of gas because who in their right mind fills the tank at $1.59 a gallon when she knows for sure that there’s gas for $1.47 a gallon later in her evening? I am incapable of the choice to not save that $1.00. I would gladly give a dollar away- but I need that value. So to the gas station we go…
This goes fast because god gave mothers pay at the pump technology, and my bank gave me a debit card- so we’re on the road again (with gas!) except that I can’t tell if I should take 55W or 55E. This confuses me because the road actually runs north to South. I miss the turnoff and as I am driving trying to find the best route to get BACK ON TRACK, and I realize that I am not even on the street I thought I was on, and I am, in fact, going in the completely opposite direction from where I am supposed to be headed.
Are you feeling the metaphor?
So. I successfully get on 55. Apparently going west, although that’s not what my compass says. (I mean an actual compass- since we’re all very aware, that my personal compass is apparently out of order. I am hoping for replacement being granted due to good behavior) It’s amazing how much the morning traffic can differ in a 10-minute time frame. Being late has put me in more of a 30-minute time frame at this point. My brain is all in panic. I get to school a full 20 minutes later than the latest time I am comfortable dropping off, and head out for the freeway. My head is full of dissenting information. It’s thinking, if you are tardy anyway- why not be a little MORE tardy and go over to the job lab on the computer? But I ignore that. I just set off.
I don’t like traffic. I especially don’t like the freeway traffic for my commute to my job. When I worked at this same location prior to my year of drama , I hated my commute. I was very firm about having an earlier schedule to avoid that traffic. Here I am in the “big slow down” anyway. Luckily I know commuting tricks. I use them, and amazingly- they work! Suddenly I am very close to being at work. I might even be to work on time. Not “on time” on time, as in punching in before 8 am, but “on time” as punching in before it would count as a tardy. “Tardy” on the time clock begins at 5 minutes after the hour. I punch in at 8:04 am. That’s not tardy.
What’s the revelation, you ask? What special idea has occurred to me regarding bad luck and the forces of evil? I guess it’s not that big. But maybe, just maybe- if you don’t fear the worst, if you keep proceeding trusting that your life will be okay instead of ruined, that it will be all right after all. Maybe it will turn out that in the end, if you act without hesitation in spite of all your inner demons and fears, maybe nothing will count against you after all.