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and now they only eat guitars...
2004-05-02 @ 11:14 a.m.

First of all- fargahar posted the funniest thing ever for me. The Mommylap Rap is sheer unoppressed brilliance. We are going to record it, and when we shoot the video make discothekid do his white boy break dance in repayment of all our pimping for {public domain}.

onewetleg in regards to white girl rappers, suggested that we should have learned a lesson from “Rapture” by Blondie. Here’s the lesson I learned when that song was a radio hit.

I attended Resurrection in Mpls, for grade 5-8. Our recesses were held in the school/church parking lot. The extent of the play area was a 4-square box painted on the blacktop. As a result, we hung out on the steps a lot. Or on the side on the school where there was “landscaping”. The kind where a sort of window box for giants is made with big waterproofed deck logs. Normally, it would be filled with dirt and something would be planted inside. Ours was just filled with dirt. We liked to hang out there.

One day I was hanging out there in my catholic school girl skirt, which it was only cool to accessorize with knee-high sport socks (2 or 3 horizontal stripes at top preferred) and Nikes. Preferably with the red swoosh. I had keds for school, because I didn’t like to fuck up my precious Pony basketball shoes up by wearing them everyday.

It must have been 6th grade, and I could not stop singing “Rapture” that day. I might have gone roller-skating or something the weekend before, who knows. But I was relentless with the recess Rapture, I can tell you.

Enter Curt Korwes, class tough guy. Curt had dark blonde hair, almost shoulder-length, and was squinty-eyed. Looking back he was sort of an adolescent blonde Charles Bronson. I don’t think any of us ever saw Curt in a fight, yet we never doubted for a minute that he spent most or all of his free time beating people up.

He was bugged by me singing “Rapture”. Can you blame him? The trouble was- I couldn’t stop myself.

It was really obnoxious. I’m not arguing that.

Curt apparently had to stop me. He did so by grabbing my feet and yanking me off the landscaping stoop I was sitting on. It was about a 4-foot stoop. I landed right on my tailbone, which hurt, so I, in my irrational wisdom, chased the class thug. I was at least 5 inches taller than that little fucker, and I was going to get him, and at least kick him. He grabbed my foot and we both feel to the ground with me landing on top of him enough to get an advantage. I was thinking I could sit on him until he apologized.

Yeah- right.

He wrestled me off him determinedly (being that I had NO idea how to fight at all, I like to think I was doing quite well, and had I actually HIT him, in my retribution, I might have shut the whole scuffle down right there.) but when Curt got the advantage, he decided (probably because he wasn’t willing to actually hit a girl, he was just willing to hurt one.) to end the fight by stuffing a handful of grass in my mouth. Luckily only grass- not dirt too.

Of course everyone in attendance was shocked. More than likely we all were grateful that he didn’t just punch me. I spit out all the grass and rejoined my 6th grade crew.

And began singing “Rapture” again almost immediately.

Apparently I can't shut up...
hearts aflutter - 2011-04-12
blather over lunch - 2010-04-30
revival - 2010-04-18
foot dragger - 2009-08-21
The bangs of a Stooge - 2009-08-20

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